|
LIBRARY OF ARTICLES
THOUGHTS ON THOUGHTS
by Krijn Koetsveld
A child has unity consciousness before its birth; mother and child are one. Birth itself makes the first separation, but at this time the child is completely dependent on care, help, food etc. by its parents. A child truly needs unconditional love: love without any condition. But everyone, including you, knows by own experience that conditions do exist. Even demands and punishment do exist, and we all have experienced it in our childhood.
When I say "unconditional love" I do not mean: a child can do whatever he wants without any limit. Living on earth itself includes limits which a a child must experience. However, when we forbid a child to do something by saying, "it is dangerous," or "you are not allowed to," or "that's no good, baby," or simply, "don't do that!," a child can not do anything with those words. A child learns through experience, and we keep them from experiences by forbidding them.
We need to understand that a little child doesn't understand what we are saying. The only thing they experience is the fear and the disapprobation in the sound, the voice of the parents. Before a child sheds their teeth it only appears to understand what we are saying. What truly happens is that the child is just imitating our voice and words. So the logical/rational thinking, with its applications as telling the time on the clock, thinking on its own, and experiencing time and space, doesn't exist before they shed their teeth.
In his Dutch book, "The inner child as watch-dog," Peter Wierenga (1999), writes: "Language and thinking with words come to a child from outside. Out of the dialogue in their neighborhood comes an inner dialogue into existence, by a monologue of repeating the words of others. Language starts with the words of others, which we pull within. Language is learned; it is not natural. Language is indeed an obsession."
So thoughts are "swallowed" words. Words we basically do not understand. We only feel what those words mean: fear and disapprobation. And there is another problem. Let us do a little exercise. Close your eyes, and say in your mind six times over: "Don't think of a blue cow." Go ahead...
What happened? Did you see a blue cow? Yes, you did.
Our mind cannot handle denials. You say: "Don't think of a blue cow," but you see a blue cow. So all the words we heard when we were young ("don't do that," "you are not allowed to..," etc.) evoked the opposite. Imagine a mother saying to her child, "Don't fall into the river." The child does fall into the river (that is what mama said), the child is punished and stays behind in great confusion: Do as you're told and you are punished. We all know this experience!
When we say "Don't think of..." we use the power of thinking. This sentence is a construction of the mind. Thinking is always a power that separates: "this" is the opposite of "not this." That is the way science thinks and works. However, only thinking is able to handle these abstract "mind constructions." Our feelings cannot do this. It is impossible to "not feel." You feel this or something else, but you always feel. Even so with your behavior: you can do this or do that, but it is impossible to "not do"; you always do something!
So, what you heard as a child: "Do not" is impossible. That is what you instinctively knew and what you have always felt, but could not cope with. It did one thing: bring you into endless confusion.
This pattern repeats itself over and over again, every time we try to solve a problem by thinking. Because science tells us that thinking is the very best of all, we try to solve problems that way. But most of our problems have to do with feeling and behavior. The only thing mind constructions can do with problems is make a judgment. Remember: a judgment always places "good" opposite "bad" or "wrong," and that is the same as "good" and "not good." As we discussed, feelings and behavior cannot cope with denials. That is the reason why every judgment only causes stagnation.
Intuitively, we do not like stagnation. We want to fight or, mostly, we want to escape. If you imagine, or remember a conversation with someone very judgmental, you know the feeling. Stagnation brings us in a "special" mood: we feel uncomfortable and we want to escape. At the same time we need to overcome something; our action does not come spontaneously. When you recognize this, you feel how judgments keeps you from doing what you want. We know judgments are a way of thinking. Now, can you imagine how any way of thinking keeps you from doing what you really want? To know what you want means to feel what you want.
Most people, in childhood, have damaged feelings. We learned to distrust our feelings. To understand this, we need to listen to the scientist Zajonc. He did research on the subject of the connection between emotions and thought patterns. We usually say, "This happened and I felt annoyed." Zajonc establishes this is a "thinking conclusion." The feeling of annoyance is an immediate and direct response to what happened. This feeling normally brings us to direct reaction, we do something out of annoyance. By doing so we become aware of that feeling. So the feeling is unconscious until the moment of action. That is why we believe we first do something and the feelings follow; however, in truth it is the other way around.
When a little child follows its feelings it does several things and learns. When we forbid the child to do something, the child feels fear and disapprobation, cannot do what he feels, and this feeling will not become conscious. Now the child has learned that his behavior causes fear and disapprobation. The child needs to change his behavior to keep away the fear and disapprobation. The child does not follow his/her feelings anymore but looks to the others, questioningly: What can I do to avoid fear and disapprobation?
To avoid something means you want it not to be there. The only way to cope with that is thinking. So this little child starts to think a long time before its shed its teeth. It creates a way to survive. This way is a pattern of behavior that is created long before the child can be conscious of this "thinking construction." It is a pattern that comes into action every time the child (and later on the adult) feels fear and disapprobation. The adult is unconscious of the pattern; he only notifies the "thinking conclusion," which enters his mind automatically.
Let us state some "thinking conclusions" ...
- "Oh no, here I go again." "This always happens to me."
- "Why me?!"
... etcetera. I bet you have your own lines. Name one!
Let us do another exercise. Lay down. Close your eyes and relax. Focus on the line you always use. Keep it in mind and repeat it consciously over and over again. Then feel what your body is doing. Go ahead ...
You now have a glimpse of the original feeling. Do you realize that you capture the original feeling by using this personal line? And we do it every day!
Now I am hearing someone say: "Didn't Zajonc say the feeling was first and the thought last, as a conclusion?" Yes. "Now its the other way around: we practice our personal line and we get the old feeling back." You are quite right. On the other hand, you have experienced that you do not want that feeling, haven't you? Only the trick of repeating the personal line over and over again in one session releases some of the old feelings we do not desire. Most of the time, we do not feel that old feeling so we think it is not there. But the exercise shows us this is an illusion. It is there, but it is unconscious. Sometimes, when a situation or a person pushes our buttons we react in a way we do not understand either. For example: we get more angry than the situation seems to justify. At that moment the situation is too threatening and the old feeling takes over. As feeling is a direct impulse to behavior, we react as the old feeling inducts, without any restriction of our so called civilized manners.
So the old feeling is there, and we only think we control it. In fact, the feeling controls us and our reaction at any moment when we experience a situation as (too) dangerous. On the other hand, only when its get so tricky that the feeling takes over we "don't know ourselves anymore." Don't you think it happens all the time in a less striking way? Yes, it does. Thinking in our personal, everyday lives creates behavior that we are no longer conscious of. And we all know we react on the behavior of others. So we create the reactions of others, and are still unconscious how we do it.
It becomes understandable that we create by thinking. First we create the reaction of others. This reaction causes an image of our person (or a reflection of ourselves), on which the others will act towards us, even when we are not there. These images are shared and become more and more "solid." Now you react on that solid image and with your actions you create your own reality. So we say, "Everything goes wrong," and when everything does go wrong, we say, "Didn't I tell you?!" and now we believe there is an awful spirit in the sky that tries to nail us. That is how the devil was created.
The main problem is not only that we are unconscious of the way we create by thoughts, but also it takes a considerable time to manifest. I'd better say: "it took a long time" because there is something happening on this planet. We are moving from the third dimensional reality to the fourth dimensional reality (please, just accept this here and now. I could explain, but that needs another article). One consequence is that the period between our thought and the manifestation becomes smaller and smaller. In the fourth dimensional reality there will be immediate manifestation of our thoughts. So you can image what happens when you are afraid that the dog you're passing by will bite you ...
In the early nineties I wrote an article in reaction to a Dutch book by Piet Vroon, in which he stated that the human brain had developed too quickly (in terms of evolution). So he blamed all problems people have to this "fault of nature." Because the emotions are settled in an old part of the brain, he entitled the book: "Tears of the Crocodile." In a humorist mood, I called my article "Consolation for the Crocodile." Piet stated that, what he calls "the explosion of the brain," creates all the thinking, and thinking is consciousness. My reaction was (and is): we misuse our consciousness. Consciousness means "to be aware of." It is passive, not active! So the first thing to do is totally and consciously accept what is, here and now. Every time we do something we want to change what is here and now. So we judge what is. We say, implicitly, that what is is not good. For that is the reason it has to change, isn't it? And when we say something is no good we fight against it (literally or figuratively). In fact we want it to disappear.
When you look to nature you always see changes. Things grow, bear fruit and die. Changes always comes forth out of what is. Make it disappear (as people do with the rain forest) and it is lost forever. You cannot change something by fighting it. Not by action, not by thoughts. The only thing you create this way is stagnation, the opposite of changing.
What makes us fight things? Fear. Fear is the force of stagnation by separation which is what you do when you are frightened; you withdraw. And that is what you learned in your childhood.
So, when we realize that the only way of changing things is to become passive, conscious and accepting what is, here and now, we get a picture of what our thoughts could be in that state of consciousness. We trust. We cherish growth. We enjoy what is unfolding. We encourage development and are curious what will be manifested ... This looks very much like "unconditional love"! Well I'll tell you, it is.
How to cure your "old thought patterns" It is obvious that if you want to change your thought patterns by fighting them, you will create stagnation. That is not the only problem. When we fight thoughts, the thoughts defend themselves. In other words, they come more emphatically, more often, until they become a real obsession. The only way to change thoughts is to let them be.
Let us do another exercise (the last one, I promise). Lay back. Close your eyes. Be aware of the first thought that comes into your mind. Let that thought go. Now be aware of the second thought that comes to your mind. Hold that one and repeat that thought twenty times. Go ahead....
Ready? OK. Simple question: What was your first thought? Do you see you have a choice? When you let thoughts go and do not grasp them, they go just as easy as they come, and you even cannot remember them. But when you do grasp them, they will take hold of you, and it creates the feeling of obsession.
So the most effective way to change your thoughts is to let them be. Just say to yourself, "Thoughts come and go," or something like that. And (this is important) train yourself in connecting. Take one minute, twice a day. Sit still and see things, people, nature, whatever is in your neighborhood. Just see it, accept it, trust it, enjoy it and if thoughts appear, let them be and let them go without further notice. If you want to do more on thoughts, I recommend the lessons in The Course of Miracles." You will find the first lessons corresponding with all we discussed in this article and giving you support and more exercises to help you change your thought patterns.
Thank you for reading this. I always look forward to comments, supplement, etc.
Krijn Koetsveld
 Krijn Koetsveld
Hengelo, Holland
Courses in Autogene Training (Relaxation and Changing Thought-Patterns), Shamballa Multi Dimensional Reiki, Sacred Merkaba Techniques. E-mail: koetsveld@interstroom.nl
WORDS FROM 'TWEEN
Krijn's work is energetic, filled with bright insight into the inner workings of the mind, and gets to the real heart of the issue. We at 'tween are so thankful for this writer's talented article on everyone's favorite topic ... Unconditional Love! Thank you, Krijn, for your much needed contribution.
TO THE LIBRARY FOR MORE ARTICLES | DEIDRE MADSEN'S ARTICLES
|
